Melanie C - Board - View topic - Conspiracy Theories...

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MChisholm

Posted: Wed Jul 23, 2008 3:21 pm

Joined: Tue Apr 22, 2008 2:53 pm
Posts: 1675
Location: here

laws of conspiracy theories:

* If anything can go wrong, it goes wrong : it happens all your fault, and everyone know it.
* If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong
Extreme version:
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the first to go wrong
* If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway...
* If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop
2th posssibility: It will be impossible to fix the fifth fault, without breaking the fix on one or more of the others....
* Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse...
* If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something...
* Nature always sides with the hidden flaw
2: and the hidden flaw never stays hidden for long.
* Mother nature is a bitch
2: and not an obedient one at that
* Law of Thermodynamics:
Things get worse under pressure.
* The Optimism Philosophy:
Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.
* Quantization Revision of World's Laws
Everything goes wrong all at once.
* Constant Law:
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value
* Law of Research
Enough research will tend to support whatever theory.
* Research supports a specific theory depending on the amount of funds dedicated to it.
* Addition to World's Laws
In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right ... something is wrong.
* More Laws:Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
* It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
* Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
* Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
2.version: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.
* Nothing is as easy as it looks.
* Everything takes longer than you think.
* Everything takes longer than it takes.
* If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
* Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
* Every solution breeds new problems.
* The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.
* no matter how perfect things are made to appear, world's law will take effect and screw it up.
* You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
* The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
2.possibility: The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
More Laws of Selective Gravitation:
* A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.
* A shatterproof object will always fall on the only surface hard enough to crack or break it.
* A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).
* A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) - unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).
* If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process.
* A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) - or into the garbage disposal while it is running.
* If you use a pole saw to saw a limb while standing on an aluminum ladder borrowed from your neighbor, the limb will fall in such a way as to bend the ladder before it knocks you to the ground.
* If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver's side of your car windshield.
* The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it.
* You will always find something in the last place you look.
* If your looking for more than one thing, you'll find the most important one last.
* It is never in the last place you look. It is in the first place you look, but never discovered on the first attempt.
* After you bought a replacement for something you've lost and searched for everywhere, you'll find the original.
* You have to look where you lost it.
* No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
* The other line always moves faster.
* In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
* Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.
* If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.
* If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
* When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.
* Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
* Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
* In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.
* There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
* When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
* Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
* World's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.
* Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
* Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
* No good deed goes unpunished.
* Where patience fails, force prevails.
* Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.
* Relativistic correction of world's law:
Whether things can go wrong or not, it depends on your frame of reference.
Regardless of your frame of reference, things will go wrong anyway.
* If you want something bad enough, chances are you won't get it.
* If you think you are doing the right thing, chances are it will back-fire in your face.
* When waiting for traffic, chances are that when one lane clears the other is congested.
* Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will.
* Remember the "Boomer-rang" effect; Whatever you do will always come back.
* If you re-act to actions, you've acted on actions.
* He who angers you controls you, there-fore you have no control over your anger.
* Any time you put an item in a "safe place", it will never be seen again.
* Your best shots always occur when playing alone.
* The worst shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.
* No matter how hard you try, you cannot push a string.
(getting everyone in the family to the car at the same time for example)
* You will never leave a parking space without someone in an adjacent space leaving at the same time.
* The cost of the hair do is directly related to the strength of the wind.
* Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten.
* When you see light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel will cave in.
Or in another version
The light at the end of the tunnel is a train
* Being dead right, won't make you any less dead.
and
Having the right of way, won't make you any less dead.
* Whatever you want, you can't have, what you can have, you don't want.
* Whatever you want to do, is Not possible, what ever is possible for you to do, you don't want to do it.
* Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be.
* The complexity and frustration factor is inversely proportional to how much time you have left to finish, and how important it is.
* law of observation:
the probability of being observed is in direct proportion to the stupidity of ones actions.
* If you go to bed with an itchy ass, you wake up with smelly fingers.
* A knowledge of world's law is no help in any situation.
* If you apply world's law, it will no longer be applicable.
* If you say something, and stake your reputation on it, you will lose your reputation.
* Where patience fails, force prevails.
* Gamble's Law" which says that "The letter box is always on the other side of the road"
* If many things can go wrong, they will all go wrong at the same time.
* If anything can go wrong, it will happen to the crankiest person.
* You will never find any more loose change than you have already lost.
* If authority was mass, stupidity would be gravity.
* all good things come to those who wait...
but , don't wait too long or they will pass you by...
like 2 ships that pass in the night...
never again to return that same exact site.
* If anything was worth doing, it would've already been done.
2: Nothing is worth doing.
* You can do anything except light a paper match on a marshmallow under water.
* Ants will always infest the nearest food cupboard.
* No degree of acceptance can ever change the facts.
Translation: You may come to terms with being screwed, but nevertheless you're still screwed.
* Things always go from bad to worse.
* The Law of Stupid Tricks:
Just because you CAN do something doesn't mean you SHOULD.
* Garbage abhors a vacuum. It will grow to fill available space.
2: The more space you have, the more junk you'll have.
* Paper is always strongest at the perforation.
* Things are never as good as they are bad.
* Chaos always wins, because it's better organized.
* The Owner's Rule:
Don't let go of something until you have a hold of something else.
* The mud that won't come off on the doormat immediately adheres to the carpet.
* When you wear new shoes for the first time, everyone will step on them.
* Cheer up, the worst is yet to come...
* If at first you don't succeed destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
* When something goes wrong, you cannot find the solution in the instruction booklet, but someone else always does.
* Everything in life is important, important things are simple, simple things are never easy.
Think about it, complete the circle.
* It takes forever to learn the rules and once you've learned them they change again.
* The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds,
the pessimist fears this is true.
* You will find an easy way to do it, after you've finished doing it.
* The wind will always blow opposite to your hairdo
* Wind velocity increases directly with the cost of the hairdo.
* The probability of the toast landing peanut-butter-side-down is directly proportionate to the cost of the carpeting.
* World's Obsession Law:
Anyone who isn't paranoid simply isn't paying attention.
* A valuable falling in a hard to reach place will be exactly at the distance of the tip of your fingers.
* If a valuable falls in a hard to reach place at a distance shorter than the tip of your finger, as soon as you try to reach it you'll push it to that distance.
* If it looks good,
And it taste good,
And it feels good,
There has got to be something wrong some where,
So be careful.
* Two heads are better than one, even if one is a sheep head.
* The probability of rain is inversely proportional to the size of the umbrella you carry around with you all day.
* No matter how hard you try, every once in a while, something is going right.
* Behind every little problem there's a larger problem, waiting for the little problem to get out of the way.
* When you really need something, its either not available, or can't be found. When you don't need it, its either available, or lays around in plain sight.
* Whenever you cut your finger nails, you find a need for them an hour later.
* Law of Conservation of Filth:
In order for something to get clean, something else must get dirty.
Conclusion to the Law of Conservation of Filth:
It is possible for everything to get dirty and nothing to get clean.
* The file you are looking for is always at the bottom of the largest pile.
* Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
* The likelihood of something happening is in inverse proportion to the desirability of it happening.
* Probability law:
Probabilities serve only and exclusively to determine the degree of improbability of the catastrophes that actually take place.
Corollary: If something is likely to happen AND desirable, it won't happen.
* Common Sense Is Not So Common
* Power Is Taken... Not Given.
* Two wrongs don't make a right. It usually takes three or four.
* If the truth is in your favor no one will believe you.
* When things go from bad to worse, the cycle repeats.
* Laws are like a spider web, in that it snares the poor and weak while the rich and powerful brake them.
* key to happiness is to be O.K. with not being O.K.
* The two most abundant things in all the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
and another version to this law
The most abundant things in the universe are hydrogen, stupidity and opinions.
* Stupidity is the fundamental driving force of the Universe, which explains why stupid people always go wrong.
* Every rule has an exception except the Rule of Exceptions.
* If your action has a 50% possibility of being correct, you will be wrong 75% of the time.
* If you plan for something to go wrong, and it doesn't go wrong, it would have been ultimately profitable for it to go wrong.
* The difference between Stupidity and Genius is that Genius has its limits.
* The universe is great enough for all possibilities to exist.
* Those who don't take decisions never make mistakes.
* The only price you pay for greatness is knowing that it can't last forever.
* Anything that cant possible in a million years go wrong, will go wrong.
* Anything that seems right, is putting you into a false sense of security.
* If everything seems great, its already gone wrong.
* The only time you're right, is when its about being wrong.
* The only times something's right, is when everyone agrees its wrong.
* World's Metalaw
Knowing World's Law will never help.
* Avoidance Law
If for some reason World's Law fails to operate, it is building up for something big.
* The big catastrophes are made up of smaller ones.
* Given time one can develop a sense of how World's Law will act, but the God's Sense will tingle only after it is too late to keep the excreta from impacting the rotating blade based wind generator.
* The probability that something can go wrong is directly proportional to the square of the amount of inconvenience it can cause you
* Everything that could possibly go wrong for anyone else always seems to happen to you
* Law of cooperatives
In any particular situation, if three things can go wrong, they usually do in sequence, each facilitating the occurrence of the next
* If something goes wrong, it's God's fault.
* Shopping Law:
The person ahead of you in the queue, will have the most complex transaction possible
* Every problem is replaceable with a bigger one.
* If in a particular circumstance World's law don't apply, then something must be wrong
* A law about internet:
The more important it is to get to a website, the greater the chance the server is down.
* Remember:
Shit happens...and always happens...
* The road to success is always under construction.
* If in a series events that could have gone wrong and didn't, It will have been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone wrong in the first place.
* Rule for Success:
Trust only people who stand to lose as much as you.
* whatever was supposed to happen, won't happen.
* You can't expect the unexpected, otherwise there would be no need for the word unexpected
* You cant reason with the stupid
* If you lose something that is replaceable (textbooks, clothing etc) as soon as you buy a replacement the original will surface.
* In any given situation, people will act so as to display the maximum possible amount of stupidity for that situation.
Law's short form:
People are stupid.
* What goes in must come out.
Unless it's the other way around.
* Better to be a pessimist than an optimist because when you say the glass is half empty it will have to be refilled
* Sooner or later, you will spill your beer
* World's directional law:
West is always East of somewhere
* formula fact:
Instruction manuals are for losers
* guide theorem:
You're only lost if you admit it
* World's gravitational paradox
If gravity is all around us, why can't you push a fat dog down the stairs?
* Wet Law:
A spoon placed in the sink will locate to maximize splash from the faucet
* All horizontal surfaces shall be filled to capacity
* Wife's Law:
Anything worth doing is well worth over-doing
Reply:
Anything over-done isn't worth the extra effort...
* It's no the drop that kills you.... its the sudden stop...
* When things are going right, you won't notice
* And we'll end this page with something optimistic (don't hit me).
Don't worry about World's Law, you know it's gonna happen anyway, so just get on with it and get it over with!

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tanz

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 1:51 am

Joined: Wed Feb 05, 2003 7:54 pm
Posts: 9172
Location: Essex, London. (Nr. Edinburgh).

I'm really confused.

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Queenie

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 5:46 am

Joined: Fri Jan 10, 2003 4:57 pm
Posts: 12962
Location: vivaaaa hollandia

* It's not the drop that kills you.... its the sudden stop...

I heard that's not always true....

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Smilealways

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 9:34 pm

Joined: Sun Jun 01, 2008 7:37 pm
Posts: 89
Location: Essex

Wow

Smilealways

xx

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Paul

Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 10:00 pm

Joined: Fri Jan 10, 2003 4:25 pm
Posts: 25442
Location: Isle of Melanie. (Read that fast - go on!)

Your post is very... BOLD? Wow! Adjust my eyes!

And I thought this topic was going to be about Area 51, UFOs, Princess Diana, 9/11 etc. What you are talking about are... old wives tales? :wink: